I’ve faced a mountain of obstacles and adversities in my life. Probably more than my fair share. But a series of events last year finally saw me at the end of my tether, buried so deeply within my own hole of negativity I thought the only conceivable way forward was to end my life. I suffered a complete breakdown after a series of events ensured every single aspect of my life fell apart. I was riddled with depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue, hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, and a severely damaged leaky gut that resulted in feeling completely displaced in all elements of my life. The loneliness, pain and isolation that comes from being suicidal is harrowing, not only to myself but also to my family, friends and colleagues who watched me slide further into oblivion, uncertain and unaware of how to continually keep convincing me that my life really was worth living.
This is my journey of how I overcame the most gut wrenching, distraught, and intense moments of my life. It’s me completely open, honest and vulnerable sharing my story on how I turned my back on a ‘quick fix’ approach. I refused to pop a handful of pills to simply numb the inner pain and torment that was bubbling deep within me, I turned my back on the long list of labels and illnesses for fear they would determine and define who I actually was and how I lived the rest of my life. I wanted autonomy, ownership and positive guidance, rather than simply feeling like I was dependent on a range of medical professionals suggesting what my future would look like. But most importantly I wanted the real ‘me’ completely unmasked. I wanted the ugliness, discontent and rawness nestled from deep within to emerge. I needed to burrow, plow deeply into the many demons and skeletons entrenched within my very being, to finally unearth the mystery of just who on earth I actually was so that I could finally live my life accordingly, a life filled with meaning, vigor and intent. I wanted the truth in all its glory, every single filthy speck of it. I wanted to understand, address and lift the complete unease and restlessness so deeply engrained within me. This is my story of how I rebuilt my life,how I’m continually rebuilding my life to connect my physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing to finally learn to love the most important person in my life..me!